I consider myself a brave person.
I also consider myself a coward.
For absolutely no reason, I will feel the weight of the world. If you ask me what’s wrong and I say, “I don’t know” it is an honest answer. I’ll circle my thoughts over and over trying to find the reason, unnecessarily reminding myself of and reliving obnoxiously negative instances.
Eventually, after a cup of coffee or extremely positive encounter, I’ll forget the weight and feel fine.
I realize I let myself get carried away by:
- A) What others think
- B) What I think I should think and
- C) Worrying it’s all my fault (whatever “it” is, I cannot say).
Anyone who knows me knows I’m basically an open book (emphasis on “basic”) but the book I keep open is the thinnest of many in a series. I may be willing to share and express myself, but this is only the cover, the beginning of a narrative. Not that the rest is negative, it’s just private, personal, and reserved for those who I would casually die for and vice versa.
Like any person, as you get to know me you’ll find each volume thereafter grows in depth and complexity. After a while, you’ll begin to see a few different sides, to see that I have many flaws (in case you didn’t pick up the fact I’m not perfect). Here’s a list of imperfections: one of my vertebrae is half grown, I continually forget to put an oven mitt on when extracting casserole from the oven, I still make casseroles, I have occasional acne that threatens my very existence, I become a troll when I drink, I’m too arrogant to admit I can be arrogant.
But imperfections make you work hard and make you aware of your talents. Imperfections are what shape you into either the person you want to be or the person you think you should be. How do I face these imperfections?
Humor is how I make myself brave.
Humor is how I survive (because being a twenty-something-middle-class-pale-person is sooooo hard…yeah that’s sarcasm).
At the end of the day, everyone is different—everyone is either naturally equipped to deal with something or not, making it a weakness. Forged from wit and wisdom, only homemade mental-weapons can properly battle these “imperfections.” So, what is it I am not naturally equipped for?
Extremely cliché and yet extremely true. That weight I mentioned earlier is the immense pressure I put on myself to be both intelligent and successful in fear of disappointment. That weight has turned me into a coward because it drives me to worry about arbitrary things; “What if I’m not the most perfect, intelligent person in the world?!” SPOILER ALERT: Life goes on.
So, I recognized my flaw and started fixing it. That’s where humor has actually made me feel brave. By writing about my flaws through the scope of humor, it’s not only digestible and (hopefully) somewhat entertaining for the reader, but also allows the thoughts to escape the back of my mind and open a pathway of enlightenment (I told you I was a deep, complex person). Honestly, there is nothing I cannot do, admit, or confront with humor. You’re welcome for the double negative. 😉
I have equipped myself with humor to win myself over, to reach toward my goals and to brave the world I live in. Like a Trojan Horse, humor can slip a deep thought into your mind with neither intimidation nor immense negativity and have profound impact. Humor can even invoke non-biased thinking and that is beautiful.
If I lost everything, I still have my words…and words are powerful—especially when they make people laugh.