Job Search Engines are like your most condescending, frenemy who thinks they’re always right.
Basically, now I know what it’s like to meet myself (LOL, I know who I am).
If anything, JSEs create a perfect reflection of who you are becoming.
As a recent graduate (it’s been a year, that’s not recent you MFKR, get a job you bum), my job-hunting patterns reflect my confidence levels.
One day, I’m looking at assistantships and managerial positions; the next day, I’m looking at dishwasher and housekeeping positions. I am not dissing the latter two professions; the fact is, I have a degree and a dream in something else entirely. I owe it to myself to find the best path for me, not to weenie out wondering what could have been.
Besides, I swore off restaurant service a long time ago…but that’s a different story.
In my nearly hopeless search, I have basically become the most creative keyword-search user of all time. I know the job postings are out there—I also know the position titles can be disguised by something extremely boring and sometimes mislabelled completely. I have many, many tips for job searching (coming soon). Anyways, my search pattern and frequency of searching has begun getting recognized by the JSEs. As if to say, “Hm, you haven’t found anything yet?” like a coffee date with your most condescending, infuriating frenemy (AKA: a coffee date with myself), all of the job searching sites have started dropping hints:
LinkedIn: There are no relevant positions within your area (or in the entire world).
ZipRecruiter: three pages of…Are you looking for a graphic design position? Drive Uber instead (because there’s no hope)!
Indeed: Restaurant service and factory work seem to be your best bets (You have no skills).
Doesn’t it seem like the sites are trying to tell me something? Well, here’s the thing: I need a stable environment in the arts industry. Look, the thing is, JSEs are basically salesman whose purpose is selling jobs. I am taking my time finding a job. I am lucky enough to be in the position to take time between functional paychecks.
I cannot have another repeat of petty, ridiculous sabotage.
Naïve me just wants to go to work, create stuff, and feel proud of my job.
That is basically impossible.
Realistic me wants to just give in and stay in factory work because I know I’m comfortable with it.
Realistic me is also petrified of waking up in 30 years and wondering, “Why didn’t I (verb) try harder or (verb) care enough to follow my dreams of becoming a (noun) professional badass?”
I’d rather have the line,
“I’m so glad I (verb) worked my ass off so I could follow my dream of becoming a (noun) badass MTHRFKR, someone (noun) my kids can (verb) be proud of.”
I just need that line to be filled in full, to know I tried my hardest each and every opportunity I received and succeeded in turn.
I do work hard, though. Really hard. Which is the frustrating part when there is little reward. No, I don’t need a trophy; it’s not that kind of reward. When a millennial talks about rewards there is always that inherent moment where people sigh and roll their eyes.
The kind of reward I am speaking of is the kind that makes you feel yourself: the kind that makes you know this is exactly where your need to be in life.
I need to make the best of what I have, break the chains in my mind that tell me, “You won’t,” and start rephrasing them to say,“You will.”
I know I can do whatever I need to do, that is not the issue.
The issue is breaking my self consciousness and fear of Failure. I just need to embrace Failure, make it my apprentice, and keep working hard until Failure has the confidence to leave. That is the only way to grow.
Do not let the recommendations of the JSEs infuriate you. It will only force you to succumb to their business strategy. The people behind JSEs get paid to find you a / candidates for a job and, like most salesmen, it means their interest is in what’s best for them, not what’s best for you or for me.
Only we know what’s best for us.
I will begin breaking the chains by never fearing what I might become…
…and see what happens.